Blaze
by revenge and rebirth
Summary: In that moment, it wasn't his life that flashed before his eyes... it was her face. [Renji centric]


**Author's Note**: Hallo! So I was watching Bleach last night and after the episode, plot bunnies blind-sided me and seriously kept me from sleeping. THUS, a shiny new one-shot. I hope you like it! (And I think it's hilarious that I finally get to do this…

**Warnings**: Language

**Spoilers**: Chapter 139-144 or Episode 51-52

**Disclaimer**: The splendid manga/anime that is Bleach does not belong to me. :( It's all Kubo-sensei's: characters… and a few lines straight from the manga.

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_**Blaze**_

by revenge and rebirth

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It was quiet.

The rhythmic sound of footsteps down empty streets was my only companion. That and the pounding in my chest I knew to be my heart, but it felt so far away I could deny it.

And I did, damnit. I did because I did not know how to even begin to deal with things. So I smiled and laughed them away… or I denied them completely.

The stone walkways were hard on my feet. I placed a stiff hand on my zanpakutou.

I ran past those who called after me, countless faceless shinigami who called out my name, but I did not stop as I pulled my zanpakutou. I knew what they wanted of me. Before I could even know what was happening, they lay on the ground behind me.

"_Lieutenant Abarai, please stop!"_

_"Renji-san, what are you doing?"_

There was no time to stop. I had long since run out of time. Years had passed, even, and I could still feel her hands on mine, pushing me away. A tear she tried to hide from me as it fell down her face and why?

I was a fool. I was a fucking fool for letting her go then.

_I cannot let her die now!_

It was just ahead of me, the tower that held her captive as she awaited her sentence. And a light that I struggled to grasp, to bring into me and keep it there for as long as my fingers could hold... through the pain, I could not let it go. I could not let her go.

My legs ached beautifully with the strain I put on them. They throbbed in protest, began to numb slowly, tendons stiffened and threatened to snap.

And I ran faster.

_And I would take her in my arms and pull away at her restraints, bring her delicate face to mine and tell her everything was alright now…everything would be alright… I would whisper—_

Pain seemed so very far away. Or perhaps it was ingrained into my being. I could almost laugh at the cynicism I had just stupidly come up with. I was a being of pain; it was so natural to me I had become immune to its clutches.

My body shook with derisive laughter. A strange, light feeling came over me and I regretted my cynicism. I would not allow myself this feeling. Again, I buried myself in the desolation I had become accustomed to living in, breathing in.

Buildings flew past me, footfalls echoed around me, and my chest heaved and struggled to collect oxygen. I was pushing my body too hard, but I could not stop.

_I had to save her!_

So suddenly I felt my body being compressed. My lungs were being crushed and I could not move. I willed my feet to continue on, but they would not move for me. I could feel cold sweat trickle down my face slowly.

His spiritual pressure was _suffocating_ and… so familiar.

He stood on a tower, hundreds of feet above me. Staring down at me, as he always did, with his expressionless face, his cold eyes. His white cloak was billowing in the wind, mocking me in the same way he was.

My hands were hot with the pressure I used to clutch my zanpakutou. My fingernails dug into my skin.

He would not let me pass. He would get in the way. He would not let me save her.

_This is it_. _I'll show him he cannot look down on me. I'll show him he cannot win!_

Time passed in flashes. I talked back to him when he mocked me, I told him I'd finally beat him, his sword would not kill me no matter what he tried. I told him it was he I intended to surpass after all these years.

He who took her from me from the very beginning.

The power of Hihiou Zabimaru surrounded me. I held onto dry bone as tightly as I could and the bones creaked as they circled. I smirked with pleasure as shock crossed his pale face. I loved that stupid, surprised look on his face.

Bankai. Sheer power.

He would fall at my blade the same way I brought his knee to the ground. He would acknowledge my strength, the power I tried so hard to obtain. And I would defeat him with a swing of my zanpakutou.

"It's time to end this, Kuchiki Byakuya."

His words were meant to be biting, and they were—it made my blood boil to hear him tell me I was a fool, that I could not use Bankai in battle, that I was weaker than _him_.

Then it came, the words I did not want to hear. His voice was stoic. A chill swept through my every nerve, crashing down on me.

"_Chire, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi._"

Those little blades disguising themselves as delicate flower petals ripped through me and I could feel my own blood streaming down my face, feel the pain of a thousand knives slicing through me. My knees gave way and I fell to the ground, staring up at Kuchiki-san.

_Could I really never reach him?_ There was the rusty taste of blood in my mouth, blending with the salt from tears I would never let him see. I had been so confident my power would exceed his; I had been so sure I would defeat him.

It only seemed very irrational now, like I was fucking stupid for even trying, like all the hours of training meant absolutely nothing.

I felt a weight on my chest I knew had nothing to do with pain… or his consuming spiritual pressure. The guilt of having lost to Kuchiki Byakuya again was more than I could handle.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

And now I was forced to listen to his scorn. I was forced to listen to him tell me the difference between us, where I saw none.

_Class… Class? You bastard. You arrogant bastard._

_Not yet. Not yet…_

And I stood before him and stood before him, every time I fell, it killed me. I was a stubborn fool; I could not admit defeat at the hand of Kuchiki-san. I would not stay down. Again, the blades pierced through my skin, scattering my blood, my flesh burned with pain.

I swore I'd save her. I swore to my soul I'd save her. Even if it took everything. Even if it killed me. Her safety meant more to me than anything in this Godforsaken world. She meant everything.

I could not lay down and admit defeat. His disdain only riled my anger further. With a strength I thought was long gone, I was at my feet again, the hilt of Zabimaru tightly in my hands, I raised my sword to him again.

I had every intent to kill.

Whether seconds or minutes of time I could not see passed, Zabimaru had broken in half, sharp pieces of metal ringing as they hit stone. I stared at the broken sword I held in my hands. A bitter smile crossed my lips.

_Fuck_.

The ground was bitter and cold on my warm cheek. I breathed in pain.

"Congratulations. Your fang actually… reached me…"

His every footstep was a loud pounding that shook my every bone. He walked farther and farther away as I lay there, defeated and broken again.

_Fuck._

Warm blood streamed down my face and it was all I could feel. I watched as it fell slowly to the ground, stained stone with crimson. Every breath was a tremor of tender and raw pain that shook me.

My mind was pierced with the thought of Rukia. All I could see was guards leading her down to her death, her death, her death. And again the thought was slashed away. I could not bring myself to think those things.

The light was pulsating softly, fading away into nothingness, a darkness I could not see past. Her small hands on mine…

I reached out for it, my fingers straining, snatching at lifeless air.

And I could not grasp it.

_But I swore I'd save her. I swore I'd never let her go again._

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**Author's Note**: Gomen nasai for the cursing. -nervous laughter- Renji just totally seems like a cursing machine to me. Agree? Haha.

And, just in case,

**Japanese words**:

Zanpakutou – Soul slayer, cutter (though I'm hoping you know this)

Hihiou Zabimaru – Baboon King Zabimaru, Renji's Bankai

Chire – Scatter, Byakuya's release command

Senbonzakura Kageyoshi – One Thousand Cherry Blossoms, Brutal Shadows, Byakuya's Bankai

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**Please review!** I think I'm ridiculously proud of this one and I'd appreciate all and any feedback! (: 


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